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| NS days came and left... Uni year 1 came and left.. Now i'm in Yr2 and struggling like a poor mouse in water..
Sure studying is fun and all but i'm seriously struggling.. and i'm quite sure struggling badly.. It all so fulfilling to know all the great new concepts and sometimes the non-intuitive ideas in Physics.. They are not frightening actually and so much so wonderful new friends to meet in life.. what's frightening is not they are in examinable syllabus but rather how i don't manage to understand them.
Now even i struggle to figure out what "understand" means. Do I understand them? Or do I not? If I do understand them, what should be used to describe how i feel so uncertain about them? I understand but can't apply? I understand but don't know their fundamental physical meaning?
What if i don't understand? Does it mean it's the limit of my understanding and my understanding can't surpass that barrier? Is this my ultimate limit? Is this not what I was meant to be in?
Perhaps.. All these uncertainties follow some relation and never go away..
How much longer can I hold on? Will I be able to complete what has to be completed?
U n certainty,
km
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| Woah, it's been almost a year since I enter NUS ( i mean 2 semesters..) Tomorrow is my last two exam papers for this semester - last semester of Year One. It's fast isn't it? 2 semesters just went by and it seems much faster than life in NS!
Honestly, i don't have much confidence in myself for tomorrow 1144 paper. Why? Not sure. Kind of slack these 2 weeks, been playing games and not really focused on studies. =P.. Now i'm wondering which equations to etch into my brains - so many forms of Schrodinger's equations.. =X.. fAinTx..
Ooh, weather is not too good these few weeks, it's really too humid!!! I'm sweating with every inch moved. haha. =P..
There's a lot of fun in Physics, but often i'm blinded by exams and grades. After exams, it's time to find some good books and enjoy Physics. It's all about knowing more about nature - about how nature works. Perhaps, I need to get more mathematics foundations!!! =P.. maybe things like Grad, Div, Curl? surely i'll need them to understand some Physics better..
okay, night!
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| i was trying to find the distance between two equal charge particles travelling at speed v parallel to each other, and when net force = 0, when i found this:
so i'm wondering, when net force approaches 0, v approaches inverse root of (epsilon-zero)*(mu-zero). hmm this speed limit of v therefore is c?
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| hmm, having been feeling too well these days.. not feeling well as in physically and emotionally.. i've been feeling rather down these days - i'm not sure why and i can't seem to be able to turn my emotions around. hmm..
life's such mystery, i really don't know how i feel, what i think.. i guess.. life in NUS has been wonderful, learning things i'm really passionate about, discuss ideas that are really so real cool in life - in my life of physics. but.. am i putting too much emphasis on grades? am i putting too much stress on myself? am i not being myself? am i losing confidence? it's just like 4 years ago, the feeling is the same (i think..) and i don't really know what wrong.
am i really taking the modules i like? yes, i am. i'm honest, really, i'm interested in these modules.. then.. why am i putting so much stress on myself? somehow, someday, hopefully i can re-define my goals - that grades are just grades and what i really want is cheerful knowledge and perhaps, exciting uni life..
nowadays, i'm lost in myself thinking of myself and wondering what's going on so wrong. Hopefully everything will be fine soon? just like 4 years ago. my courage and my confidence seem to vaporise so very easily. maybe.. nothing left now? perhaps.. i really need to learn to trust myself, to trust other. and also, to love myself so as to love others.
it's an ellipsis.
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